Attachment

What is attachment?  Some of the words the dictionary gives are fixation, adhesion, adherence  extension.  Or an enduring emotional bond.  A connectedness.  Attachment to me is not just a connection; it is also a desire for regular contact with that person and can at time have feelings of anxiety when I am away from that person. 

I was having an email conversation about attachment with my brother. This is what he said to me, "I am increasingly developing a state of non-identification. To myself and others. Perhaps similar to a disconnect but without the lost feeling. The other day my son asked me if I was afraid of dying. I said generally not. Of course I have the survival instinct we all have and would struggle to live in a life or death situation. However I don’t fear death. On the contrary I feel eager anticipation. Something like, “Oh boy, what next?” A part of this is that I am okay with leaving all those I love so dearly. I am also okay with an afterlife where I may have no recollection of them, or the myself of now. As if this life never was. Hopefully having gained from this life and now moved on. To some degree I feel that I have already moved on. Of course love my family as much or more than ever. Just the my part is becoming weaker. The love remains."   

This was my response, "Non-identification...detachment as the Buddha would say.  To me that seems an easier way to live.  Attachment can feel so heavy at times.  I have attachment to people that is very strong and my ego is in there as thick as ever.  You have quieted your ego.  Do you find it easier being in non-identification?  An example of my attachment...My daughter is moving to a city about two and a half hours away at the end of this month.  I have known this day was coming for probably the last year and a half. I have been so torn up about it...felt as though part of me was being ripped out. I have cried a lot of tears and recognized that I was grieving.  So I have allowed myself to grieve. I did not judge myself when I felt sad, when I felt loss, when I felt abandoned, when I questioned why.  Had I not done so I would be in a very bad place with my daughter's moving day being just around the corner.  I am now able to lovingly send her on her way without misgivings or feelings of "she's leaving me".  I will miss her like crazy, but it is now healthy.  I cannot begin to fathom the detachment you have achieved.  I am attached to the physical part as well as the spiritual part of the people in my life. Also, to the physical part of me. To not remember what I experienced  here, now in the physical;  after I have died, is an excruciating thought to me. See my attachment?  If you go back to my previous email, I am even attached to my haiku.  That's okay because that's where I am right now.  Perhaps I will get to non-attachment or perhaps not.  It feels very light when you talk about it."

I am at peace and comfortable with my attachments while at the same time I recognize that those attachments may change.  With some misgiving though.  I don't know how I would live if my attachments to my children was different than it is now. What if they deepened or softened or lessened?  My ego is doing its best to prevent change, so I will trust the universe to carry me as it always does.

As you take two minutes to consider peace for our world today, think about how attachment affects your inner peace.